Fat Daddy

Well what can I say.. I was born a fat girl. I was never one of those really big kids you see on Maury Povich but I was always very cherubial. I was almost 10 lbs when I was born and I had so many rolls I quickly adopted the Nick name, "Michelin tire baby". I was later called Fat Daddy and Stephanie Marie Hamburger Haro... Sad I know.. What my parents thought was cute and harmless turned into a lifetime of body image issues. 

I was overweight a majority of my life and it bothered me that I did not look like the Guess girl in my Teen Magazines. My Father was overweight but that's cause of lifestyle. He is Mexican and grew up on Lard and Mantacia, (butter) I remember him eating beans with mayo in them... Bleh!!!

 But I grew up in the 80s... Health was Jane Fonda and Olivia Newton Johns Video Physical was a huge hit! But we ate Homerun pies from the local Hostess Bakery, full flavored Pepsi out of glass bottles and Kool Aid. My mom cooked home Cooked meals so it's not like we had a lot of fast food. Plus I was one of 5 kids so it was a luxery to go out and eat. 

Mom was always on some diet. Weight Watchers, Nutri System, Slim Fast you name it. She is one of three sisters and it was like there was always a competition with their appearance. All three of those women were what I looked up to and I quickly came to the conclusion that this is how women act. It's normal to talk bad about your body and go on crazy diets to fit into society's perception of beauty. This was a lot of pressure that carried into my teen years. 

I was caught shoplifting Dexatrim at 13 years old. I just wanted to be thin and noticed.. I figured if I was thin I would stop hearing whispers from females in my family about "the pre pubescent pudge" and other such comments that made me feel less than. Or how everyone always said how skinny and beautiful my little sister was and how she was going to be a model.  I thought, "fuck! Well why breathe?!"

I started to become anorexic and bulemic at 16. I'd binge and purge and some days I would not eat at all. I started taking drugs like speed cause I noticed it was an appetite supessent. By the time I was 17 I was the lowest weight I have ever been in my life, 118 lbs. at 5'4" I was lookin pretty thin! It was awesome! Weird thing.... When I looked in the mirror I still looked fat....

It always seemed like no matter what I did. I was never good enough.